Tuesday 3 June 2014

Family Life & Marital Bliss by our Sheikh Mufti Ismail Musa Menk


Click on the picture to view the video:) 
For audio click here

Notes:
Introduction:
Life today, can be considered as a BETTER life in terms of improvement in technology etc.
However, the life of past has better in terms of spirituality.

In the past, PBUH and all the righteous companions were just living with dates & water. They were contented with Allah's plan in terms of their nationality, tests/trials.

Life of Prophet Muhammad(SAW):
PBUH reached the prophet hood at the age of 40. But, even before prior to Islam, he was still exemplary role model to his society. It is when he solved the argument of carrying the black stone, read more about it here. And, he still encouraged the practices of Jahilliyah which were beneficial to the society. For example : The protecting the lives of the the orphans by making vows.

 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.[33:21]
Refutation to the wrong accusations to Prophet Muhammad(SAW):
PBUH received the proposal from Khadijah(RA) when she was 40 years and he was 25 years old. And, bear in mind, that Khadijah (RA) has been married several times while he was not even married once. If, he was  womanizer(Astaghfirullah ), he would be finding someone who is younger because this is the age where men would want to find a pretty, young woman. And, it was easy for him to find pretty, young woman because he was well-respected in his society.

Marital Life of Prophet Muhammad(SAW):
PBUH accepted her proposal because of her uprightness .
It is a lesson for us to choose the spouse based on their deen, character , personality rather than their appearance or financial background.

And, he lived with her from the age of  25 years old to 50 years old. And, he did not marry anyone during the lifetime of Khadijah(RA).

All the children are from Khadjiah except Ibrahim who died as an infant.

PBUH rushed towards Khadjiah(RA) whenever he encountered any problem. This can be seen when he first received revelation. #LessonForUs - Do we do the same thing when we encounter any problem?

Mufti Menk Commentary: 

Don't only tell your spouse/children "I love you for the sake of Allah" . You should also say "I love you for myself" during normal times because you need them for yourself too.

There should be secrecy between family members when you encounter any problems. Don't tell your problems to everyone. If you encounter any problem,
(1) Have COMMUNICATION
(2) Be REALISTIC
-You can't change your spouse instantly, and it may take some time.

You have to prepare your family life before your leave this world. Be prepared to change your lifestyle & take more responsibilities after you have married.

After Khadjiah(RA) death:
He spent 10 years of Prophet hood with her.
He loved her so much that he used to send gifts of Khadijah's friends even after her death

Another quick reminder by Mufti Menk:
PBUH married many wives for different reasons. One of the main reason is that to have all the tribes to have connection with PBUH family. This is important because the tribes were previously were having conflicts because of tribal/status problems. PBUH attempt removed this hatred.

Patience:
What you see in public or social networking sites, as people holding hands, putting photos together etc, this does not mean that they are really happy. They might be just putting the show while they are having conflicts among themselves.

"Don't publicize your happiness" 
-If you want to thank Allah, do it privately in Salah etc :)
- There is a such thing called evil-eye. Click here to watch a short video about it -May Allah protect us from that.

#Don'tBeSelfish
- Advice for  parents to be patient with your children.
- It is okay if your children once in a while break something in the house. If, they break something, just fix it or replace it.

FUNNY Story:
There was a man who was riding a Mercedes car , and unexpectedly, he encountered a car incident. Fortunately, he was admitted in hospital and he was able to survive from the accident. The first thing he asked the doctor , "What happened to my Mercedes car". The doctor was surprised and told him "I am surprised that you did not ask about your hand, do you realize that you hand has been removed from your body?" . Then, the man frantically asked him "Doctor, what happened to my Rolex watch then?"

Choice Of Your Spouse:
This aspect must be perfect. In terms of "Looks, Wealth, Family Status, Deen", make the "Deen" as your priority. If there is Deen, In Shaa Allah, the character will come along with it.

Looks always fade away, so its up to you on how much importance that you want to give.

Don't be fooled by the family background. Sometime, the family members might be a nice people except for that particular boy/girl. So, choose wisely!

Wealth:
Parents don't be always be picky on the groom's financial background. Its rare, for you to find a extremely rich and have good deen+character husband for your daughter. Bear in mind, that someone who has good deen+character can take care of your daughter like a gold compared to the one who has only money.  #Don'tBeFooled

And, wealthy people are not always the happy people. There are many wealthy people who need sleeping pills because they are extremely stressed about their life.

Mufti's Advise:
If you know any man who is able to take care himself financially and has good deen+character, marry your daughter to him.
*Mufti said that he was not even working when he was married.*

And, after the engagement, do not prolong the marriage , marry as soon as possible to avoid your children from committing zina etc.





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