Thursday 10 April 2014

Masturbation/Pornography Addict?








*Click on the picture to watch the video
Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) says: "So He (Allah) put purity after lowering of the gaze and protecting of the private parts. For this reason lowering the gaze away from the prohibited things warrants three great benefits.1) Sweetness of Imaan and the pleasure that comes from it, which is more sweet and pleasing than that which he diverted his eyes away from for Allah's sake. Verily, whoever abandons a thing for Allah's sake, He (swt) compensates him with better than it.2)It is a light in the heart and quality of intuition3)The strength of the heart and steadfastness and courage. So Allah (swt) would give him, by His strength, the ability of wisdom and substantiation, and the devil would flee from him as it has been mentioned in the saying, "Whoever fears his whims, the devil would race out of his shadow."


Introduction:

We have to address this topic though it might be considered Taboo etc, the reason is that many Sisters and Brothers are having all these problems listed below. So, In Shaa Allah, please read it & educate yourself . Alhamdullilah, even if you are not facing this problem, do learn about it so that you can advise others :).





3 Misconceptions

1) You are extremely SINFUL person & Allah will not forgive you at all. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Many people are suffering silently due to their addiction to masturbation/pornography. And, SubhanAllah, it will be commendable if you can recognize your shortcoming and seek help about it.  It's not easy to admit when you have a weakness -  it actually takes a lot of strength. 

And, do not think that you are too SINFUL to turn to Allah for repentance #ShaytanTricks
Allah says , he forgives all the sins committed by his slaves.
Say: “O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives ALL sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him, (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped.” S. 39:53-54

2) Feeling disgusted/weird/hatred to those who are indulged in this activity


If any brothers and sisters come to you asking for helping about it or you were able to know about it,  try to help them or bring them to Imaam/Sheikh/counsellor. And, most importantly, do not backbite about them! . There is goodness in them & TRUST ON YOU -that is the reason on why they have came to ask for your help .
By helping this particular brother/sister, this might be a way that you can get reward from  Allah(SWT) 


Allah says;
إنما المؤمنون إخوة فأصلحوا بين أخويكم واتقوا الله لعلكم ترحمونThe believers are nothing else than brothers (in Islamic religion). So make reconciliation between your brothers, and fear Allah, that you may receive mercy.
[Surah Hujurat 49:10]
Also it is narrated Abdullah Ibn Umar: Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said,
"A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection."
[Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of Oppressions, number 622]


3) ADMIT IT and seek help

Most importantly, if you are in those categories,  do take note that this is not option. You have to get out from this habit- make this as your mindset. And, studies shows that cold turkey does work for pornography/masturbation addictions. 
And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 

Things To Do

1) CREATE MOTIVATION TO CHANGE

Everything that you do is driven by one of 2 principles:  to seek pleasure or to avoid pain.  Therefore; you need to link as much pain as you can to the behaviour that you want to end (masturbation).  Ask yourself what will it cost you as far your self-esteem, spirituality and self-control if you were to give in to your addiction?  How will it negatively affect your relationships either now or in the future?  How will you feel about yourself if you succumbed to your lust?  As you reflect on the answers to all these questions, you will start creating a negative association to the act.  The stronger the emotions, the more effective it will be.
Then, you need to create a lot of positive association to your desired goal:  stopping the masturbation.  Reflect on how you will feel about yourself if you constantly demonstrated self-control & self-leadership. How would you feel spiritually knowing that you are giving up your lust for the sake of Allāh? How will your relationships enhance once you are no longer addicted?  As you reflect on all the benefits of stopping you will increase your self-control and motivation.

2) UNDERSTAND THE ADDICTION

On a physiological level the mind becomes easily addicted to the epinephrine (Adrenaline) and serotonin that is released during sexual arousal and orgasm that it is as addictive as heroine.  With each act the addiction becomes stronger and stronger until masturbation is not only as a means of satisfying sexual curiosity, but also as an out let for other emotions such as boredom, anxiety, fear and loneliness.   This is when it can totally take over your life since it becomes your first line of defence in alleviating negative emotions.  It's important to realize that the strong craving that you have, like many other physiological impulses, are shaped like a bell curve.  You need to learn to ride out the craving because it is not going to last forever.  If you wait long enough the craving will go away and you will gain control over your impulses.  This is easier said than done, but with enough persistence & positive conditioning it is possible.

Practical Advices

1) Avoid loneliness & boredom. 

-Stay proactive by volunteering or seeking knowledge or exerting your energy through exercise or find part-time job(especially for students) or find a new hobby and do anything that is permissible, so that you can keep yourself busy :)
-You can seek knowledge and contribute to the Deen(religion) by doing work such as islamic lecture transcriptions or designing islamic posters or helping out the local masjid/community service etc. "when there is a will there's a way"
Here is some on the Online Islamic groups that need volunteers:
-sistersweeklyhalaqah@live.com (Including us :P, so you can email us if you are interested)
- http://www.nakcollection.com/volunteer-for-mutaradifaat-ul-quran-synonyms-in-quran-project.html

2) Be sociable, seek the company of righteous friends 

Your righteous friends(maybe in your nearby masjid etc) will be a positive influence on you and your īmān. Do not hangout with your "bad" friends because they might always bring you to the same wrong path. If, you are not able to find the righteous friends, its better if you can just stay alone:) . 
Abu Musa reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The parable of a good friend and a bad friend is that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. The seller of musk will give you some, you will buy some, or you will notice a good smell. As for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes or you will notice a bad smell.”

3)Use Internet Wisely

Put a content filter on your computer with a complicated override password that you have to look up (or have your friend set the password)  and have the history of your searches sent to a trusted, respected friend who can support you through accountability.
If, you can't do that, don't use computer when you are alone :)

4)Avoid watching or listening to anything sexual  

This can be anything such as TV commercials, staring at celebrities photos or staring at someone's profile pictures.It will help suppress the desire before it leads one to commit the haram (forbidden). 
Allah orders men and women to lower their gaze as shown in the following two verses and in the Prophet’s hadeeth (interpretations of the meanings):"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze ... " 24.30-31 .Allah’s messenger said: "Do not follow a casual (unintentional) look (at forbidden things) with another look." Al-Tirmidhi 2777. 

5)Trying to follow the Prophet’s etiquette

Concerning the etiquette of getting ready for bed, such as reading well-known supplications, sleeping on the right side, and avoiding sleeping on the belly (the Prophet forbade sleeping on the belly).

6) Marry or Fast .

Narrated 'Alqama: While I was walking with 'Abdullah he said, "We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, 'He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power."

7) Quranic Dua (Very Important) 

This is what we can derive from Quran and repeat the dua whenever you encounter the urge. Keep on reciting "maAAatha Allah"- I seek refuge in Allah whenever you have the urge. 

8) Seek Professional Help 

 Imaam/Sheikh or counselor or even your trusted friends/relatives 

9) Pray to Allāh to strengthen you

Last, but not least. Even, if you see yourself going back to the same path, make TAUBAH(repentance) from Allah repeatedly and seek help, improve yourself again. In Shaa Allah, eventually, you will be able to get out from this addiction. #NeverGiveUp

References:

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